smile in a misery
Hello Reader,
Today I don't feel very good...not physically but mentally ( I guess these mental anguish also effecting my physical well being lately)...feeling over and over having big hopes which are drowned to become dust in having high in your heart and than having it smashed to pieces over and over again..still trying to choose the light and love out of great struggle it exhausts you, it takes all your energy...it feels like you are burning inside out over and over again....then you find small things to bring you joy every once in a while every once in a while they hold on for a while to recuperate grow some energy then...a vision, a sound, a word, a song, a strangers eye comes your way and burns everything to the ground...I am still trying to find happiness and joy in my mental solitude...I cleared up the snow from the driveway today....then walked my dog for a bit...then went to grocery shopping...I have spent a lot of money...for some reason I feel like something good is coming something that I wanted so dearly and with all my heart....imagine that you feel it with all of your cells...its not something you heard or learned...its just a big flow occur inside you....you just know...it takes you to highs and than once you realized its nothing its just your own made up you smash to the ground from great heights...I did not find the energy to take my dog for a walk in the afternoon....I feel like something is dead inside of me...a great melancholy and sadness...like living the lyrics of "one hundred days" by Mark Lanegan over and over again...
why do I smile in a misery a lost within mind
a broken dream playing over and over dying
embers of forgotten rhymes exotic bind
almost was not good enough after shattering sing
King H. Ironson
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