Migraine

 Hi readers, followers or whatever you choose to define yourself,

Yesterday, I was not able to write to you about poetic developments, sorry for that. 

However you did not miss anything because there was nothing to miss! :)

Yesterday was a Migraine attack day for me! A nasty problem that reminds its there and it can come back every once in a while. Thanks to god, I don't have frequent attacks. I have been visited by it since I was 12. Along this long journey with my friend of pain, I learned how to deal with it. It did not cause only pain, because when you are presented with the pain you are also presented with the will to cope with it. Some times it gets so high in pain, that you cannot even feel anything in your surroundings you just feel the raw pain. Like repeatedly bumped by sledge hammer to your head and later on nine inch nails are nailed to your skull. It can get so intense. Sometimes, the episode is over in 1-2 hours but sometimes it takes a long 3-4 hours. At least I feel that way, I am not so sure, because you loose the sense of time during the attack. My attacks most of the time comes at a certain time of the day, mostly after sunset. Sometimes, during the night. Actually, its a good thing because you cannot stand to see any light. Probably, all your senses are filled with pain, that they cannot cope with any other input. During the attack you just want to be in the dark. Usually, cold and breathing deeply helps. Most of the time I can control the pain with this method, dark, cold and deep breathing. Though, last attack was something different. It came out of nowhere in the middle of the night. Some of you will say this now " Hey King you said that you did not write because of  migraine attack but you also say it came to you during the night!". Yep that's correct, but when you got this sh.t, before it comes you don't feel good and sometimes you can understand that it will come. If that's the case it means its going to be easier to cope. Though, this time I just felt out of the weather tired and sleepy. It was just like getting tired and a little bit of cold. I just thought to myself, ok today I went out and while I was out it was a little bit chilly, probably I got cold and this is that. I just laid down on the couch and slept over a stupid documentary around 3 pm. I opened my eyes to an unimaginable pain at 2:40 am which was I believe one of the worst attacks I had so far. After that point I knew that I was f..cked until the morning. Crawled to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I took out my fleece sweater and tried to lie back a little bit to breath deeply. It didn't worked this time because when I put my body to cold it shivered and needed something warm, when I put my fleece to get some warmth it made me sweat and prompted vomiting. Nothing was working. After couple of hours battling with this sneak attack, I understand that there is no way of fighting back. I decided to get a painkiller. Though, I needed to do this operation in the dark because I cannot think how would the pain intensified if I opened the lights. Unfortunately, very recently to tidy up space in the kitchen I have replaced the place of the small box which contained the painkiller that I need for my friend of misery. Crawled to the kitchen again tried to find the medicine box without breaking and glass or cutting myself in the process. Finally, after multiple unsuccessful attempts I found the box, now I need to find the correct pill in the dark. As I was trying to feel the correct pill with my hand I found a bottle of Vicks. Oh yeah!. The smell of vicks. It helps!!! I opened the cap, put my finger in and get a small bit on my nose. I lay down the ground in the kitchen. Smelling vicks through my nose to relieve my pain just a little bit. It worked. Good old vicks! I always carry one to everywhere I go to. After, I had some little bit of relief, I tried to stand up on all fours little by little made my way back to medicine box to find the pain killer. Than I found it too! I took one and filled my self a large glass of water and gulped it down. I am not a kind of person who can swallow pills without water. Its just impossible for me! After I got the pain killer, I crawled my way back to the couch on all fours. Though, I struggled another 1-2 hours until the pill to kick in. I believe as I was struggling with the pain at one point I  just passed out from the pain and  exhaustion. The next morning after a migraine attack is passed, it always feels like you died the night before and some-how brought back to life. It makes you enjoy life more than other days. Though, this time it was different as well. I had this huge sadness on me when I woke up. Like you had a great regret in your life which even you cannot admit to yourself. A regret that creeps up on you time to time just like a migraine attack, reminding you what a great f..ck up you are!. The kind of makes you hate yourself every time you look up in the mirror. A regret of regrets. A regret like fooling yourself to prevent something you dearly want slip away from your hand. A deep sadness. A fond memory that you will never have! Just because you f..cked up! It takes one stupid decision. I am sure that everyone has their own regret(S). I have plenty as well on my side. Its just being a human! You f.ck up you experience sh.t, you learn, you move on! Assuming, hopefully, you will not to do the same f..ck up again!. Anyways, the thing I wanted to say was the day after the migraine attack this time was a sad one. Weird! It was like a jedi sensing there was a f.ck up in the force. After, I eat something for breakfast I was more cheerful. Though, this migraine attack showed me how the life felt for me in the last three years! A beautiful day which initiate good intentions, emotions, turning into a hope than a nightmare and ending up in loss of the will to live. Deepest of deep! It took some real will power to climb up all on fours to overcome the pain. It makes you stronger and wiser, but it takes a toll from you!