universe is now!

 Hello Dear Reader,

Last night was a close call for the migraine attack

just felt it was going to develop and took my medication

and it prevented the migraine and the pain comes with it...

it was a close call,,,

that is why I slept very early last evening..

probably because of sleeping early I woke up in the middle of the night

with the feeling that something profound is ripped apart from me

it was such an uneasy feeling

I felt a great deal of sadness

it just poured in me 

a kind of uneasy feeling

it pokes you to feel down, bad, uneasy

although there was no reason to feel that way

and even though I had not anything that I did or didn't do to make you feel this way...

maybe I am feeling emotion of someone that experiencing this profound sadness...

if this is the case I hope they find their way

clearly it made me choke with sadness

it was not a nice mode....something that you cannot continue to experience

very unhealthy....

in order to escape from these depressed feelings 

I tried to sleep

uneasy trying to sleep turned this side and that side on the couch 

than woke up again very early in the morning

saw that it is not possible to sleep than I decided to work on the platform I mentioned to you yesterday

so I have set up my account on buy me coffee 

than I started to transfer some of the works I wrote here to there

however, than I realised that the platform restricts a lot of things including nudity

both in images and in literature!

what kind of censorship is this?

Than I stopped....clearly I don't want to do all this transfer to get banned from the platform...

So, I  am not decided with this platform...

I want to find a platform where I can share my creative work without stupid restrictions like nudity

a place where I can share exclusive content and support my work...

Obviously, I am not posting porn but I talk about sex and nudity. Clearly they take part in my posts and I don't want to get banned from a platform because of this..

anyways, than after all this realization

I have closed the computer and said I don't have properly functioning mind at this time of the day (4.30 am) and that I should try sleeping again...

took my pillow and buried my face in it....

again it felt so uneasy....faced my ghosts again...

telling me I am lying to myself and I did not do enough to salvage the situation...

however, everything I know from the first hand obtained information told me otherwise...

same lines in quotation marks read over and over again in my mind...

and I just saw a cell made of brick walls containing a very sad person 

is falling to a void and I am helpless to do anything...

with these dark corners and places in my mind

I have fell into sleep with fears and scares of yesterday...

woke up to a late morning sun gasping for air at nine thirty

all my airways were constructed because of sleeping on my face....

it was a nice Saturday morning...

my son already awake playing games 

I prepared him a breakfast and tried to make the coffee with machine

but somehow I couldn't get it right and I got a very diluted coffee

it was not enjoyable and couldn't get my caffeine dose to 

wake up properly... 

probably all this mind games were the revenge of the migraine..

because I did not allowed her to get me this time...

like I have betrayed her in our date

out of jealousy she had me with her revenge

of nightmares and sleep disturbance

if this is not the things I have seen from the migraine

and if this is the pain of someone I have felt

from the bottom of my heart 

I wish cure for that pain

person who carries that pain

try to focus on your present

remember there is no future

and universe is now!

tomorrow never comes!

don't forget that you are loved..

dark cloud blankets my sleep

no its not the fear of death I weep

if I don't be now there is no place I can keep

neither yester day neither tomorrow you can peep

dive into yourself in moment's deep

                            King H. Ironson

(Photograph: meandcolors - Pixabay)