a bruise of inner blossom of my foughts
Dear Reader,
I made poor man's sushi today,
it was not bad...imitation crab, some cheap smoked salmon, nori, rice, cucumber, carrot, mayo and soy sauce...
of course there is not to much of variety but its ok..
(as I was writing you this, I visited the fridge to snack on 2 of the leftover ones with a generous amount of wasabi yummm)
so..today was a resting day mostly because last night I waked up around 4 am
and couldn't sleep afterwards, so in order to be able to function
I had 1.5 hours of sleep after the breakfast
than I made my meditation by 12 which ended around 1 pm
although because I ate before the meditation it was a very uneasy and unfruitful insight
lately I am not feeling so peaceful like before there is some form of uneasiness
don't get me wrong I have clarity I am not confused, I feel at peace but not as much as before
there is some form of anxiety
probably due to waiting the outcome of the interview... and some unresolved intuitive feelings
there are feelings overflowing in my heart...
like I am at the brink of a major life change and it stresses me out greatly...
in my life I know the things that I need to change and I know the consequences of these changes that I need to make
however, even though I am mentally ready for these changes, the conditions and my economical situation is not suitable
and moreover there are many other aspects that I need to consider...
its not easy like thinking the things that you need to do in your mind...
stressful, a great overthinking of the problem in multiple angles and according to multiple people
reader I don't want much
I can be happy with very small things and still be very grateful and content...
the thing is that if you are surrounded with toxicity
regardless how much walls you build how much boundaries you set
it leaks up in your life..and unhappiness of other people becomes your unhappiness
sad, you see these toxic behaviours and attitudes
and regardless how much you response back with positivity and try to solve and heal the issues
you see its no avail...
you cannot change people unless they commit themselves to the change
change is not easy the things that the change brings are not easy as well..
its another battle yet you need to take after the great battle you overcome within...
its easy for one to blame themselves on why they have made the certain choices they made earlier in their life...
but then you think that this was one of the pieces of chain of events which brought you to this moment...
if I have not made those wrong choices I would not be here
all the terrible things that I have lived, which bleed me, broke me, nearly killed me
brought me to this moment and became the reason for me to look within
and heal...
to find my inner peace, to get the chance to meet with my real self
so I am grateful for all those things I experienced earlier
they made me and they grow me to this moment
I love my scars, I don't cry over them, I am empowered by their experience
anchored to my heart and my thoughts
a bruise of inner blossom of my foughts
no regrets in my oughts, noughts or soughts
I lived what is brought without second thoughts
King H. Ironson
Comments
Post a Comment