bounced pit failed and ended in a delurient cell
Dear Reader,
Free fall words flow through my hands tonight
what you will read will be the outpour of whatever
passes through my head as I do What do I ever do I will follow
my thoughts in word form on this artificial white plain screen
the words will appear black letters one at a time I will follow them
so don't expect any grammar what is grammar anyways
you can do your magic the way you want there is no rules
you can create anything out of nothing and thought is the initial spark
for that...can you ask a painter if there is rules for making a painting is there any laws
governing how you should paint? What ever you spat out is your magic...
red flags in words or paintings does not matter, the song I listen to now tells a story about Spanish punks...which take me to ages ago when I was travelling in Europe and when I was at Spain...
I love that country...it was one of my best stops...especially Barcelona...another place I loved there was the Cadiz...
it was the first place I put my feet inside the Atlantic Ocean....
it was the first place I learned how serious is a tide
especially when you decide to sleep on the beach with your sleeping bag...
yes it was a great story...me and my friend ....we came to Cadiz that day via train it was around midday since we know there is beach and we can sleep there
we hired lockers and left our large camping backpacks there but to our small daily bags we get our sleeping bags and foam mattress only with us
ready for time to spend out
literally
till the morning
than we discovered all the city on foot...by around 4-5 we started to get hungary (not poland) ;)
so we find this place by the beach which sells freshly fried calamari by the kilogram for peanuts money so we get one kg calamari
and headed for another shop where we got one bottle of litre wines (the cheapest one) for each one of us
than headed directly to the beach
it was like heading up to heaven....
we took our shoes out on the thin sands that are still hot from the midday sun
reader I like to burry my feet inside the sand when I got the chance
if my feet finds a beach with sand
just like a crab
they slowly burry themselves in the sand...
that is the greatest feeling ever...I don't know why but when I said this to you
it made me cry a little bit
it must be some distant memory that bleed me greatly
so when you have your feet running free on nice sand...
and have great food and when you are free and made of nothing
possibilities are endless...
you are not chained to anything that drags you down...
I ran towards the ocean and played with the waves
there were couple of groups of people left on the beach
we made ourselves a comfortable spot on the beach
where we can eat our calamari and drink our
wine...
at the time there were no cellphones or mp3 players
only walkmans or discmans if you are lucky for the music...
but poor travellers like ourselves it was a big luxury
because you need to have batteries which run out very fast
and in addition you need to carry the cd's or cassettes...
I cannot recall if I had my music with me than
but I remember the back pack we carry had all the clothes
and necessary items for travelling Europe for a month on extreme low budget
so there was not so much spot for that kind of luxury
probably I only stayed 3-4 nights with roof over my head in one month
in that trip...
so we were sleeping on the beaches (dans les cote d'azure, barcelona, spain, cinqua terra etc.), parks, train stations, church yards etc.
"when they kick out your front door...."
the guns of brixton is playing now from the clash
great song
so we set our place
opened up the mattresses and than started munching out the calamari
since my swiss knife does not have a wine opener
the way we open the wine is to push the cork in
with the small philips driver head of the swiss knife
I had that knife everywhere I have travelled to
its still with me
the way you do is
that you push it until some point with the knife
than the remaining part you push the cork down with your index finger
it usually ends with a splash of wine in your face but you have an open bottle of wine in the end
drinking the white bunnies one at a time at the moment
I love this beer, I wish the one I try to make comes out good as this one
it would be such a bliss
free good beer for life
although it was a really labor intensive process
I put them in the jars down in the basement they are bubbling away in the jars
yes I got beers
yesterday I couldn't resist the urge to get some and drink some
last evening I drank only two cans now tonight I am planning to drink the remaining 10 cans
and get really hammered
give me danger
little stranger
and ......kiss me like the ocean breeze
another great song by The Stooges
(my song list is great tonight...its been awhile I have not been listening songs from spotify)
ads. killed my mood to listen to music
no money no privilege to listen to good music without ads
maybe I will spin a record
maybe I will spin Morphine
maybe Lucinda Williams
maybe...
maybe, not
I want to roll a joint actually
when I read the last sentence I saw it curved
maybe my eyes are getting terrible
need to see an eye doctor
but I can't
anyways...where were we left
we settled down, opened the huge cone of fried calamari
and wine bottles
the wine was nice but it was hot as the morning piss
I decided to close the lights and the tv
it was so bright
and all I want to focus now is the screen where I write these words
for you to read and the cozy warm light of the christmas tree
its fake plastic body presents a shiny and inviting light
when the lights are closed
and all these lights shining from the ornaments reflect upon the "blue"
the painting on the orange wall
and gives you a fuzzy and happy feeling
like you really belong to somewhere
its a made up thing but it feels good
so the lights are dim now reader
its romantic and
slowly I am being hammered...
I don't know when this piece will end
maybe it might be the longest nonsense
I write to you...
we started sucking on the spanish red grape piss
and munching on the crunchy calamari
the sun was setting
young people gathered in distance
they were playing guitar, singing, drinking and laughing
it was the moment...
the moments you will remember
in your dark days
dark days
you knit dark days and than you decide to wear them on
after some time we joined these people
partying on the beach
we danced and tried to sing songs we don't know
we laughed with them not understanding what the joke was about
we raised our bottles and drank for a happy life
after a while they left
we were left alone on the beach with my friend
so we sat a little bit more and finished our wine
opened our sleeping bags and put our remaining belongings to our small daily backpacks
to make a pillow and slept under the stars with the sounds of the waves
later on I wake up with feeling of wetness on my feet
yes they were wet
I was drunk
and I can still recognize my feet are wet
my mouth was burning with fire out of thirst and it was as dry as an Andalusian desert
but my fucking feets were wet
what the fuck it could be
yes it was the sea
the time we slept the sea was faaaaaaaaaaar away
but it crept slowly to sleep with us
we wake up in a rush in the middle of the night
I believe it must be around midnight
and slept the remaining hours way up in the beach next to the retaining wall
uneasy...
"but I only in you I'm complete
Gloria in te domine
Gloria exultate"
another great song from U2
next morning we headed up to train station with a great hangover
but with smiles on our faces
sleeping uneasy on the beach and changing places in the middle of the night had
the toll on us
our long hairs were full of thin sand
I realized this as we were taking a metro run when I scratch my hair
stuff starting fall on the ground which was even visible from the seat across
where a beautiful spanish girl was sitting
and made her give a smile
I smiled back...
she and her friend gigled
we talked with my friend and laughed to our misery....
it was freedom...
like waking up in a ditch and seeing the glory of the rising sun
in a park of a crowded city where people are bound to work and wasting
their single life on their suspended real misery
when we reach to the train station we took the train to madrid
where we again locked the bags in the locker and walked all day in the city
and take tour of the national art museum of madrid
after all this walk we take a rest in the park where I took out my sketch book
under the shade of a tree and started doodling the love
i left back home....
all the time you have something going on you always go back
and look familiar miseries so that you don't feel like a foreigner in your current misery
I guess this is one of the default misery programs we have to prevent us being completely in the moment
actually I remember there were many interesting infinite number of details around
a pond with a horde of fish which attack to the dropped sandwich by a toddler, lazy birds hiding under the shade, gossiping spanish old farts, a lady with long bronze legs, two lovers kissing sitting next to the pond, a man picking up his camera which he dropped to the ground, american tourists looking to the map and trying to figure out the place of the national art museum which they were standing right infront, a spanish couple fighting as they walk through the pathways, a bee collecting nectar of the pink roses on the side of the park, a group of young Spaniard crossing the street to reach the park with a great cloud of noise, a cloud in the shape of an eye approaching to shadow the sun, an ant climbing to my leg, a man stumbling down the stairs and nearly missing a fall on the stairs of the museum, my friend draining the last drops of water down to his head under the shade of the tree next to me....
and all these infinite number of details
I was forcing myself into a made up misery
made up by my mind...
now I am forcing myself into my old moments where I was forcibly taking myself into misery
what kind of fart is this
reader did you get my point
because I have no idea if this is a point or a line that I am making?
sometimes thoughts take you some place
and you cannot be aware where you are being taken too
everytime you try this if you are lucky you can be taken to an old glorious memory
if you have many of them
I guess I can tell you that I do have
but I cannot tell the same thing for the last 10 years of my life
it can be recalled as a black blanket of misery
only light I have is the existence of my son
which makes me capable of taking the next step every day
bounced pit failed and ended in a delurient cell
there the bottle did not have a bottom like an endless well
Hey bad rune stepped down the sun behind the mars
frusting the frustration gave into mildly wet droopy eyed wars
mighty roams of night heired my blurred flowers
wishing my keeps catch me above from my falling towers
King H. Ironson
reader I am not so sure if I told this story to you the second time
what the fuck
ask me whether I know what the fuck I am mumbling about
its just the possession of hands writing these words out as quickly as they could
even I got disturbed while doing this with external factors
they mumble other things and than right again pick up from where they were left
weird
kissing that girl passionately
a moment that re occurs
over and over
again in my head
like something extending from a life
I have lived ages ago
like you met someone stranger and you felt like you know them with all the cells of your body...
its what it feels like of the dream of that moment
reader
be a blank page
a root connection to life
fall in an essence of unknown time
rebel like the morning dew glorious and vague
King H. Ironson
Reader my mind is failing me
yes I remembered that after Cadiz
I went to Madrid
but not right away
after seeing Sevilla, Granada etc.
I recognized it when I was looking in my ticket
the year 1996 ;)
probably you were a vitamin C in the orange back than!?
tonight spotify is playin a lot of DM
I love them alot when I was student
it was one of my favorite bands
and I had the chance to see them live
they have great songs
like
"in your room"
"enjoy the silence" (my favorite)
"never let me down again"
"its no good"
"policy of truth"
"walking in my shoes"
"stripped" (check the rammstein cover)
"strange love"
"black celebration"
and many more
my mind is taking me to the time when I was a single and living back in my hometown with my friend
in a house with a beautiful bosphorus view
every morning I was looking to the sea as I was sipping my coffee to the blue channel of sea constrained between city
creeping over the blue waves
under grey skies
and every evening I used to drink to oblivion
by watching the lights reflecting from its wavy surface
under the light of stars
luckily I was watching this on a canopy of trees
which is hardly to come by there
I guess I passed the halfway on the beer department
to be honest
I lost the count but I am not even tipsy
there is one poet I like the most
he wrote a poem about being a walnut tree
:)
probably he was running away from the police because he was protesting something
I wish someday you would be able to see my magical hometown reader
you will understand you are there because of its weird vibration
you will feel that you are in the center of the world!
that is where its at!
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