there is no win without the win within
Dear Reader(s),
:)
Today, I tried to adjust the day after a very dark night....
my energy was low but I am overall happy, grateful and content
for every lesson I receive...
when I was kid, I was terrified of the shadows...
and during the time the black outs were so common and frequent
in the city I lived...so whenever there was a black out my parents used to light up candles
and I hid and snug in my dad's arms or mom's
my sister used to frighten me by making different shadow plays with her hands...
some how I never understood how comfortable my parents were with these dark beings that followed us...
yes reader, when you face your own darkness
you will not find pretty things but if you delve into it
and if you survive this very hard journey that will be the most liberating thing ever..
reader everybody have a dark closet
which they never want to enter and arrange
we get used to throw all our darkest secrets, pains and trauma's
we close the doors and try to forget about our closet
but actually since it exists in us since these dark experiences
experienced by us, they are already at play in our actions
regardless of how we think that we locked them in the darkest corners of our minds
its a tedious, energy consuming, hard and painful work to delve into your secret dark closet...
earlier I mentioned to you in one of the posts...that I found myself seeing visions of a dark void
where I saw myself playing, running around it happily...
until realizing how deep the void was... in my vision I saw myself to have anxiety for the bottomless void and its sheer size...
reader I made a leap of faith into that void...
it changed many things...
to begin with I accepted all this darkness and had the comprehension of how light and darkness are all the description of the same thing "existence"
you can transmute them into one another....
probably you are wondering what was the last night's 4 am entry was all about
reader I saw a very dark nightmare,
that darkness form some remnants
leftovers were creeping here and there
coming back and forth in my meditations
they revealed what they were related to in my nightmare...
I just said no... I don't want this anymore in my life...
my peace and my serenity is more important than anything
I cannot accept anything that devalues me
because if I accept to be devalued, it means that I do not have any clues to love any other human being!
first I need to have me, everything else comes next
I have to love myself first so that I will be able to love others
I have to take care of myself first so that I will be able to take care of others
reader...love is not simply a transaction...
its an immense acceptance and giving in without expecting anything in return
so reader if you are not ready to accept yourself with all of your dark and shine
than you cannot be really ready to love the others...
inner sun which you turn around,
glows brightness of your heart.
inner moon which turns around you,
shows shadows of your heart
there is no win without the win within.
your shine don't exist if your shadow don't contrast
King H. Ironson
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