A drop of ocean is ocean itself!
Hello Reader,
I have just remembered a moment
and I wanted to share it with you....
Once I had a love
a girl with black hair and brown eyes...
daughter of rebel and freedom...
she was a drop of water...
pure
and feminine
and yet funny, friendly, full of life as that...
I feel to be very lucky to live with that woman for a couple of years
we were very poor....
I remember, that I was walking all 30 km a day to get to my university (was a student in masters degree back than, distance is approximation...it was a long walk....took me around 2 and half hours each direction)
to be able to get to the lessons...
because I was not able to afford a bus ticket
after my lessons I used to walk to the place I used to work
where I used to instruct climbing and tend a climbing shop...
it was just enough to get by....
thanks to the house we used to live in
which was inherited to my girlfriend from her parents
we didn't need to pay for rent
my girlfriend,
she was a photographer
and a dang good one as well
not like the tripod with one slacking leg
ha ha ha....
"remember the dog, make the stick ready" (a rough translation of a saying in my native language)
it means "when you talk of something get ready to meet that thing in some form!"
(as I write spotify was playing randomly!)
oh...here comes Nirvana..."heart shaped box"
since I stopped my premium in spotify; all the music I can listen is reduced to the will of the application...
so probably you get the songs with lower royalty....
don't get me wrong I like Nirvana
anyways...
let me come back to that moment
that pure drop of water who was the funniest and smartest woman
only had her dad...
her mama has passed to the other side...
when she was a small baby....
she only had couple of reminders left from her beloved mother...
when you lack something in life
you give great value to that thing you are missing...
in this case
it was a love for her mother....
and whatever that was left from her
couple of black and white photographs
and couple of things
that her mom did for her..
my beautiful water drop lost her mama to the "white trash"
"heroine"
because of that ugly substance
one of her eye was not in alignment with the other (when her mom was pregnant to her she was still using that substance,,,)
yet she was still capable to make great funny faces and take great photograph's
she is the only person that have my nude photograph (black and white)
taken after we had a hot love making
in a bath tub
it was one of the times I cummed inside of her...
like all the time we
made love with her
it was real love making
soul to soul
it was a photo where I was in sitting on the towel
on our single bed...
trying to dry my hair....
it was very long hair I had back than (long up to my arse!)
(we didn't have the money to buy a large bed like a queen bed, so we were sleeping on that bed together..it felt like a really large bed for us though..)
back than my container
was more like a greek statue
never got the chance to see that picture developed :)
the house we live was a old flat in a rich part of the city...
but we were not rich at all...
her parents both were from good families with considerable wealth
but they lost their way and
their kids were left living on what's left of that wealth
a tragic story
but only the story was tragic
my pure water drop was not tragic at all
instead she was bursting with life
the last time I saw her
she bought a sail boat and trying to learn how to sail...
daughter of freedom and rebel...
she is a pure soul
not fake at all...
she used to grow weed in her balcony which she get the seeds from her junkie dad
that plant always made me anxious
because there were always police cars passing from the street we live on
and it was all exposed to the world
hey...hello world! "we grow stuff here!"
don't get me wrong
it was a weak single plant in a pot
on a balcony
it was not like the "marry ann" tree in her dad's house...
anyways I could never get joy from the harvest we made from that poor
weak plant!
its all because of the anxiety...
I met this drop of water in a place called "Olympus"
an ancient city by the Mediterranean
where there is great rock climbing
available as well as
turquoise colored sea and a beach
and don't forget the ancient ruins "Greek"
and a mountain with flaming wholes....
yess...
its a natural wonder...
natural gas is leaking from the wholes in the rock and they constantly burn...
people go climb there at night time
to make love
If my memory is right I believe we went there
after we climbed our first rock wall with my climbing buddies...
there at the place we were staying (tree house type accommodation! Literally, since there were ancient ruins there was no possibility to make buildings, therefore, all the touristic accommodation are either small sheds or tree houses)
there at the place we were staying
we were drinking beers and met with these people
from another climbing club that we know
she was among them...
we talked drinked
and than
I found my self in her bed...
where 5 more people were sleeping around in bunk beds...
both of us drunk
we made passionate love...
in her bunk bed...
trying to make it with the lowest sound we can make
she whispered to my ear
"please cum inside of me!"
and I did....
I was really not concerned...
on the outcomes...
because I know
she was the real
deal!
the day I broke her heart and left her
felt like a "blonde redhead" song...
if you were wondering that if we
ever had kid
no we didn't
because she was on birth control
although I did not know when she said that and what we did at the time...
ha ha ha
we were getting along really well
even though we had nothing
and we did not had any plans
she was "standing next to me"
whatever it was we faced...
she had a smaller sister who has more birth defects because of her mom's condition
when I met her
she was living with her and her sister's boyfriend...
when I move in as well
the sister and boyfriend moved to a different house
rented on the other side of the bosphorus
we painted the interior of the rented house altogether to the blue color
which was the cheapest paint color
that was available....
they started to live there
and we were
living together
with the "drop"
she was my "heroine"
who was killing my freedom
even though she was the daughter of freedom and rebellion....
and even though
I loved her....
with time I grew cold to her...
for no reason at all...
she also felt it
but she never forced me....
even though I know that inside I was shattering to her pieces
I was drinking a lot back than
but she was my companion as well in drinking....
from my perspective back
than I felt like a fish
that was living in a
drop of water....
how naive was I!
its life isn't it
you ride
and ride
make lots of mistakes
and regrets...
if you are stupid
or uncreative
you make them over and over again...
I was very lucky, not stupid but very creative!!!
Creative on the stupidity of my mistakes!
I never stopped following the things that cut me,
bleed me
and teach me lessons
except for
couple of the things I lived
I have no regrets...
Even the regrets I had,
I learned to forgive myself
for doing them...
I grew
with all of them...
I am grateful for all that experience.
Anyways,
my pure water "drop"
as we were so gray with one another
and I was writing e mails back and forth with my former girlfriend from America
she walked in to the room....
I closed the screen just on time...
she had a blue knitted very small cardigan on her chest
hardly closing her D cup majestic breast
with hard and inviting tits...
one of her tits was peeking through the cardigan
and below her chest was completely nude
she came
and sit on my lap
in the study room....
its been a while we had sex with her
because of my stupidity...
felt like
I was trading my freedom away....
Even though she was my freedom herself...
I was so stupid to comprehend,
that is why I was digging up the old stuff
to find an exit...
that was why I was distant to her...
she made me hard as she started to kiss me passionately,
the study room had
transparent window covers
which were exposed to the street and to the watchers in the other buildings
she took my shorts off
it was a hot summer in Constantinople
she leaned on to the desk
and guide me the way in
we made a very passionate love...
the best sex I ever had...
that night
I hit outside to the bars to get wasted
next day,
I broke with her....
at that point
for me
she was the last piece of greenery
a piece of life itself
in an endless desert I will have to face...
she was my last oasis....
everything
went spiraling
downwards
for me after her...
its been more than 20 years!
through time
and after many more
creative stupidities
I learned to forgive my self
you will never know
the depth
of an ocean
from a single drop
introduced to you...
King H. Ironson
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